A Triumphant Return

That's right sports fans welcome back to everyone's favorite sports blog, At least we're not oranges. In case you were wondering why it's taken so long I'd like to explain. As you know, the TV writers were on strike for several weeks. What is not widely known is that our own bloggers union, "Writers who reference obscure citrus jokes - local 141" walked away from the table months ago. We've made our piece now, and I won't bore you with the details but let's just say we're glad Senator Mitchell didn't have subpoena power over us either. (And I will have you know it only took me two tries to spell the word subpoena.)

Speaking of all this steroid mess, I think it's time we started laughing about it. Like this case: Jack Cust was named in the Mitchell Report. Jack Cust denied what was said. Jack Cust is 2-2, both dingers and one being a grand salami. It's the little things in life that count.

But on a more serious note, I'd like us all to sit back and consider the feelings of the Clemens children right now. Not only is their dad being investigated by the entire federal government, but their mom got a boob job. As a guy who went through middle school, I can only imagine what awkward, juvenile, and yet incredibly hilarious jokes must have been made. No wonder Roger keeps getting a tired groin.

And I think through all of this, if you listen closely, you can hear Barry Bonds laughing.

But now onto happier things. My World Champion Boston Red Sox are looking good in early ST action. That's right, they're the world champions. Again. These words aren't meant to be cocky, they're just fun to say. This time of year is such a tease. I'm sitting in the winter wonderland of PA while my favorite team is hundreds of miles away in a sub tropical climate golfing and playing baseball. Soon, they'll be taking their pony show to the Far East and can I just say that unleashing Manny Ramirez on the Japanese may cause them to fall into socio-economic chaos. I'm talking Godzilla-type panics. And this won't only hurt the Japanese, but there's no way Manny comes out of there unharmed! He's going to think he's on a different planet. Or maybe he just won't show up. I truly believe that it was a democratic conspiracy keeping Manny away from the Red Sox trip to the White House. They didn't want anyone around who could make Dubya look like a fricken genius.

So as ST doesn't give me much to write about, and my blogging skills are quite obviously a little rusty, I'm going to wrap this up here. I have to get up early tomorrow to secure the ever elusive Iron Pigs tickets. That is, if I can find the stadium.